Glen Powell movie characters, ranked by likelihood they'd be good at lacrosse

In some major news yesterday, the PLL announced a $100 million Series E financing round.

Ares and Joe Tsai were the headliners, but another investor included actor, writer, and producer Glen Powell. Powell has been in attendance at PLL games in the past, and played lacrosse in high school. He's been on record before saying he would have interest in a lacrosse movie as sort of an untapped space in storytelling, and part of his coming on board sees him join the PLL as a creative advisor. Powell also will be working on bringing the PLL and WLL to Texas.

Powell's played several fun characters in his acting career. Given his closeness to lacrosse, I decided to undertake the very scientific and data driven process of ranking his characters based entirely on how likely I think is that they are good at lacrosse. For the purposes of this exercise, I am sticking just to Powell in film. He recently starred in, and was executive producer for Chad Powers, a streaming show on Hulu where Powell plays Russ Holliday, a star quarterback who attempts to restart his career as a walk on for a college program as the title character. Safe to say, given that Powers is basically an All American quarterback, he'd likely be a decent if he stepped onto a lacrosse field. For film characters, the list goes like this.

7. Gary Johnson - Hit Man

A lot of Powell characters have a hint of athleticism to them. A nice touch of “this guy would be an early pick in the backyard football on Thanksgiving draft”. Powell is, after all, an athlete, and it’s not always easy to hide that. Gary Johnson, however, is not. He’s a psychology professor in New Orleans and helps the police in stings to catch people who are trying to hire hit men. If that sounds absurd, I am telling you, watch this movie, because it’s about a real person. Regardless, Gary spends the movie instead becoming not just the guy in the van listening to the sting happen, but the one who becomes the undercover officer portraying a hit man to trap the would be murder for hire buyers. Gary grows in confidence, but at the end of the day, he’s still just the college professor and tech guy. He’s winning with brains. That’s half the battle in lacrosse, but you need the brawn too. Gary is a glue guy, a great teammate, and a great time on the team bus. But he's not getting a lot of minutes.

6. Tyler Owens - Twisters

Tyler is a storm chaser, which is awesome. He has some really cool gadgets and a truck with all sorts of rad modifications that he uses to chase tornadoes. He calls himself a "tornado wrangler". Extremely cool. Like many Glen Powell characters though, sometimes it’s tough to spot where the priorities are. Tyler is a meteorologist who knows a ton about tornadoes, and he has used that knowledge to become…a YouTuber. Internet fame over science breaks my heart. Obviously he makes the right choices in the end, but on first impression, Tyler is what the kids call aura farming. In lacrosse terms, Tyler shows up to showcase events with flow society shorts and a ridiculous amount of helmet tilt. He takes six behind the back shots per game while his teammates deeply sigh, hits one of them, and he clips it for social tagging TLN in the caption. 

5. Hangman - Top Gun: Maverick

Come to think of it, I don’t actually know Hangman’s actual name. But Hangman certainly has athletic chops. He’s a pilot in the Navy and good enough to make it to Top Gun. He shows off some nice moves and athleticism in the beach football scene, taking the reins as quarterback and hitting the always classic grenade drop touchdown celebration. The thing is, Hangman is not a great teammate. Yes, he comes through heroically in the end (spoiler), but Hangman’s name is Hangman because he hangs his teammates out to dry. His ego is a detriment to the mission and keeps him on the ground when push comes to shove in the movie. On a lacrosse field, Hangman is dodging, getting doubled, and completely ignoring his teammates yelling “Double! Move it!” while he tries to do it all himself. He is a total black hole on offense and a turnover machine. 

4. Finn - Everybody Wants Some

This movies follows members of a college baseball team over a few days in the same style as Dazed and Confused (same writer, same director). Finn is one of the upper classmen. As members of a college baseball team in Texas, it’s obvious that Finn is an athlete. Or at least has some natural athletic ability. However, his top priorities are clearly bars and, as they say it, cruising chicks. The potential for lacrosse greatness is there, but other pursuits have pushed that greatness down the list a bit. There has never been a more club lacrosse player at an SEC school than Finn. He's on a team full of guys who could win the title if they could just get players to show up on time without a hangover.

3. Ben - Anyone But You

Ben works at Goldman Sachs. The lacrosse to finance pipeline could be at play here. The viewer actually does not get much of a hint as to Ben’s athletic inclinations though. If nothing else, he’s definitely sure of himself. Or at least he tries to come across that way. Ben plays the part of lacrosse to finance pipeline d-bag at times, but it’s clear that really isn’t his personality. He’s got vulnerabilities and ultimately is pretty emotionally intelligent. I’m not sure how much that speaks to the lacrosse stereotypes. My guess is Ben, at worst, is friends with lacrosse dudes and spent some time playing the game himself. 

2. Trader #1 - Dark Knight Rises

There has never been a more obvious lacrosse to finance pipeline guy than Powell’s Trader #1 in this movie. But there are nuances to this. I would suggest that this is a D3 to finance pipeline guy. When we meet Trader #1, he is getting his shoes shined, explaining to another trader that Bruce Wayne is back and that’s change, which can either be good or bad for the market. He votes bad. His reason why? He flipped a coin. That’s a D3 work ethic at play, but he’s clearly charming enough to get himself a finance job that clearly pays well. An Ivy leaguer would have a well reasoned thought process as to why Bruce Wayne’s return is bad for the market, Powell’s does not. He’s a college lacrosse player, maybe even a D3 All American, but not at the highest levels.

1. Ben Richards - The Running Man

Talk about a lunch pail guy. Richards is as blue collar as they get. If you never read the Stephen King novel, or saw the original starring Arnold Schwarzenegger (and hilariously Richard Dawson), the story is that in the future, the country is run by a media company called The Network. They have a game show that everyone watches called The Running Man, in which contestants get a 12 hour head start on a team of hunters who have 30 days to catch and kill the contestants. If a contestant survives they get a billion dollars. Richards isn't able to work because he's a union activist. Total team first guy. So he isn't able to afford medicine for his daughter. But he has the skills, the athleticism, the strength, the elusiveness, the smarts, to not only beat the hunters but win the game (spoiler), but take down The Network completely (spoiler again). Richards is an underrecruited midfielder who makes plays on both ends of the field. He gets a ride to go D1, but it's to a super gritty program like Drexel or Marist. He helps them to a conference title, and is the reason they are a sexy upset pick when they play Duke in first round of the NCAA tournament.

Honorable mention: John Glenn - Hidden Figures

Other than Gary Johnson, all these other characters are fictional, and that puts them in a separate category. John Glenn was a real person, the first American in orbit and a national hero. Glenn also was an athlete, growing up playing football, basketball, and tennis. It stands to reason that a multi-sport athlete and US Marine who went to space twice, including at 77 years old, would be a capable lacrosse player.