BREAKING: Tariffs being placed on Canadian players seeking to play lacrosse in America

In a stunning move, the PLL has announced it is placing a new tax targeted at Lacrosse Canada for players who are from north of the border. This tax on imported athletic talent has never before been attempted.

Going forward, Lacrosse Canada will have to pay a fee to the PLL in order for Canadian born players to be allowed to play professional games in the United States. Players cannot sign a contract or be drafted until the fee has been paid. 

“Tariffs historically are only able to be placed on goods. For the first time, this is a tariff that is going to be placed one on a service, specifically best in class lacrosse ability. It’s another way in which we are trailblazing the future of professional sports,” said a spokesperson.

The move puts Canadian players (for some reason referred to as “imports” in the press release) in a precarious position. They could simply avoid playing PLL altogether and try to sign with a team in Major Series Lacrosse or the Western Lacrosse Association, but then they’d have to play closer to home with less travel. Players on both sides of the border were frustrated by the move.

“I just don’t at all understand the point or why anyone would do this, fans of the game clearly think this is a bad idea,” said one PLL player. A Canadian player added “It’s almost like antagonizing people you’ve historically been allied with really benefits nobody. It’s just performative grandstanding that hurts way more people than it helps.”

Tensions between the two lacrosse organizations should continue to ramp up towards the Olympics in 2028.

It’s not yet been announced how the additional revenue for the PLL will be used, although if it works the same way that any other traditional tariff does, the fans who consume the sport will experience no tangible benefit whatsoever.

This is a developing fake story.